who's your doppelganger? cleopatra?
/“You’ve lost an inch,” is not an expression you ever want to hear. Not if you’re a seamstress, a worm, a tightrope walker in the middle of a performance. Not if you’re a vertically challenged woman trying to puff up every measly feather she has.
I argue with the nurse. “There must be something wrong with your ruler . . . I didn’t stand up straight . . . I’m having a slumpy day . . . Are you sure you don’t need glasses?” I tried it all.
Then I went home, got out the tape measure, stood sharp as a sword as if I had courage, and fixed myself against the height wall we keep for kids in the family. No matter how I puffed myself up, telepathically extending every hair on my head, my mere 5’3” had shrunk to a lesser 5’ 2”, and people, I’m aware, have been calling me shrimp more than ever. Shrimp, elf, hobbit, half-pint -- better at least than half-wit.
It’s better, no doubt, than lots of other rude awakenings. Still, it’s a mystery where that tiny fraction went. A normal collapse in the spine perhaps, in the muscles, the tissues. Or did I inadvertently lose that inch and forget where I left it, another great advantage of gaining in age.
I have lots of cute answers when people note my dwindling height -- “I’m keeping the ground warm . . . Don’t step on me . . . I’d like a kids’ meal please.” One friend tried to pick me up. Ha! . . . so funny. Another wrapped his arms around me, glared at the top of my head and asked, “Why are you so short?” Ha! . . . so funny. It’s the kind of welcome greeting I get all the time without hardly trying.
Well, I’ve decided to try harder. In honor of all petite people angling for a seat with a view, hemming every dress, wearing heels you trip in. Here’s what I’ve come up with: Doppelgangers.
I’ll explain.
Some of the most beautiful, capable, desirous women in the world are our equals when it comes to stature. We don’t know it, perhaps, because we see them in movies, on TV, where everything is unreal.
I’d rather be their equals in money, fame, talent -- yet I’m satisfied with them helping us out in the height department, especially after reading new studies that say doppelgangers, or lookalikes, are definitely out there and may actually share some of our DNA.
I’m guessing that could apply to size as well, so I’m taking a leap and pointing the finger at some possibilities.
Ready for the list, you lovely Lilliputians?
If you’re a blue-eyes blonde, maybe your twin is Reese Witherspoon, a small 5’ 1”. Are your eyes hazel instead? How about 5’ 1” Lady Gaga. We’re not sure what her real hair color is, but at least we know why she wears those 6-inch heels.
More on the darker side? How about 5’ 2” Eva Longoria, named one of the most beautiful women in the world. Or 5’ 2” Zoe Kravitz. Or 5’ tall Paula Abdul. Or sexy, 5’ 2” Shakira from Columbia, whose hips don’t lie, so why should we about our height, our weight, our age. Though not telling is surely different than lying.
Every time I see myself next to people in a mirror or photo, I can’t believe it’s me. I peer into the image with squinty eyes, my mouth agape, my tongue hanging. Who is that little bitty person? I’m stunned.
Kim Kardashian -- a small 5’2” -- doesn’t feel that way. She adores looking at herself, maybe we should too. If you’re dark-haired, brown-eyed, full-lipped, and full-bottomed -- perhaps your doppelganger is billionaire Kim; she’ll be even shorter when she’s older, just saying.
Want your lookalike to be brainy? How about 5’ 1” Ruth Bader Ginsberg. Love your history? How about 5’ tall Cleopatra, a real man killer. Athletic? How about 4’ 8” Simone Biles. Attracted to science? How about 5’ tall Madam Curie, the first woman to win a Nobel Prize.
Doppelgangers, it’s said, are real. Probably, we’ve all got one. Now all we need to do is find the right match.
I’m starting here.
The next time someone decides my height is so funny, I’ll remind them good things do come in small packages -- as my doppelganger Gaga would undoubtedly agree.
She’s not a perfect twin at all, but I do have hazel eyes like her, although -- I’ll note -- I’m a full inch taller than she is. One whole full inch taller.
Ha!